My Anger

I never thought

I deserved my anger

As if it were something to earn

I didn’t have a good enough reason

For my destruction

I couldn’t explain why I carried this rage

Or even where it came from

I was angry

And felt guilty about it

Because I didn’t know how to be

I still don’t, really

But I am recognizing that this

“Lack of anger”

That I experience is not because it isn’t there

But rather because in order to adapt

And to behave more appropriately I have

Begun to internally transform anger

Into sadness

Or frustration

Or fatigue

Emotions I feel more equipped to express

And less afraid to face

Instead of understanding

It is not the anger itself

That is harmful

Rather,

The way in which I express it

That can be

I assumed that the only

Way to save myself (+ others) from its wrath

Was to deny that it exists

Which

May work temporarily

But ultimately prevents me from addressing

It’s initial source,

Prohibiting any possibility

Of acceptance