Setting Boundaries Responsibly

This is a topic that I have noticed vulnerability around the thought of sharing, which makes me curious why. I believe I can only find out by exploring how it feels to do so.

Beginning with clarification;

I am not claiming to have any additional access to inner knowledge, empathy, or emotional intelligence than anyone is capable of having. I am simply acknowledging that we all (due to life exposure) have different levels of awareness of our learned behaviors. What I am exploring is the idea of responsibility that is associated with this recognition.

Does my sensitivity to the lack of understanding of another person take priority over my discomfort? Sometimes I feel myself judging the natural response to firmly enforce boundaries. Taking into consideration the other person’s feelings over my own. That doesn’t seem fair. Just because I have learned to conceptualize the complex emotions of other individuals who may not be able to reciprocate does not mean I am solely responsible for navigating the interaction. This person who is behaving in a certain way towards me is clearly operating from their own self interest otherwise they would be able to see that from my perspective these actions are interpreted as inappropriate. Why then do I feel a sense of guilt if I behave in the same way (functioning from my own self interest)? Is it because I “know better”?

This reminds me of one of my dad’s favorite stories of his childhood. One day at his catholic school there was a fight outside. Everyone gathered around to watch two boys physical injure each other. When finally one of the nuns came to break it up she dismissed everyone with the exception of three. The two boys fighting and my dad. He was being punished because he “knew better” and was judged by her to have the sense and physical ability to have broken it up. Because he chose to observe without interference which then made him partially responsible. Is that fair? Why did none of the other bystanders also get punished when he did?

I recognize that we as individuals may not be to blame for functioning without self awareness because it is something we are not taught to do and must seek it out on our own. I must also acknowledge that I cannot conduct myself in a manner that is sensitive to each person’s exposure to emotional intelligence. This would be extremely harmful to my self. I often struggle between these two oppositions of thought when choosing my reactions. It would be much easier if there was one way that applied to all situations and if there is I have not figured it out yet.

No matter how I determine to respond I always try to do so with kindness.

Xo,

Bri